Just finished my Western Civ. midterm. Whoosh. It was an essay question that was so broad--"Trace the rise of the British, French, German, Russian, and Japanese Empires and their impact on the rest of the world"--it could have been re-worded "Please write down every word that has come out of my mouth since the beginning of the semester" and would have achieved the same result. We had an hour and half, and after forty-five minutes, I finished up Great Britain and freaked when I realized I still had four countries left. I squeezed everything in with a minute-thirty left to spare, and while it's far from the best thing I've ever written, I do hope it'll be acceptable. I got a 94% on the objective part of the midterm (taken two days ago, she splits the midterm over two sessions...100 pt. objective, 100 pt. essay), so I have a little wiggle room. Not a lot, but enough that I'm not stressing out too bad.

My American history midterm in an hour and a half, however...*silently screams*

Oh well, by this time next week I'll be all done with midterms. Yay.

But this little bit of Supernatural (gen) fanart just made my day.

ETA: All done for today! Other than confusing the various conquistadors, I think I did alright.

I sent off the last of my university applications. (Yes, I waited until the absolute last minute because I am an IDIOT.) I applied to CSUMB (where I really want to go), Sonoma State (second choice), Humboldt State and San Francisco State (either/or, really, though SF State will be cheaper because I can commute). I'm not worried...my GPA is decent, and I'm an upper division transfer, but still. With all the stories on the news recently about budget cuts and higher admissions standards, I'm...well, okay, I'm a little worried.

Now the waiting begins.

I love all my classes. My math class is going to be the hardest (I haven't taken a math class in over four years, so I'm having to get back in the groove) but I like the teacher and I'm excited about the subject matter, so I think I'll do okay. Also, I filled out my calender with test and paper dates, and there are about three weeks in March that I'm going to be completley and totally swamped. I already told my family not to expect to see me from the end of February until Spring Break. But it's all good.

And completley off topic...

OMG I WANT A WEE HOUSE NOW!

So it's been two years since we adopted our little doggy, a pom that was orphaned during Hurricane Katrina. In the last two years, my mother has taught her: how to sit, how to stay (or at least come when called), to not chew socks or books, to do her doggy busisness outside, to not bark in the house.

In contrast, I have taught her: how to drink from a straw, how to carefully consider and finally choose which hand I've hidden the treat in, how to dance, how to give kisses, how to sit on my feet to keep them warm.

My mother thinks that her training was better, but I believe having a well-rounded dog is important.

(This post is 90% inspired by the fact that I am so tired of studying for my final that I am this close to going, "Screw this, I'll just wing it" and that would be bad. So I need to take a break before I can go back to pretending I care about the industrial revolution and its effect on Irish women. :P)

My professor went a little crazy after receiving our essays back. It seems that quite a few students misused "then" and "than". After pointing out the mistakes, she exclaimed, "Don't be stupid, you guys! They don't even sound the same."

Um, maybe not when you say them!

Look, it is something you should check for when you write a college paper, and it's perfectly acceptable to dock points for it, but it's a very common mistake, and hello, to most people I know, "then" and "than" do sound alike, if not exactly the same. I know there's no difference when I prounouce them.

So I figure it's time for another round of, "How Do You Pronounce?" Come on, y'all, are "then" and "than" pronounced the same, or different?

(And, as a bonus, I leave with one of my favorite VeggieTales songs.)

So, again, not dead, just struggling with being sick (same old shit) and chemistry is kicking my ass. Doesn't leave me a whole lot of time for LJ.

***

I am a really bad lesbian, I guess. I'm just not offended by a lot of stuff that I'm told I'm supposed to be offended by. Like, the SNL gay Dumbledore sketch. I thought it was funny (a little silly, sure, but it's SNL), and it was only after I turned on the internet that I learned it was NOT FUNNY AT ALL and HORRIBLY STEREOTYPICAL and HOMOPHOBIC. Ooookay. Missed that one. My bad.

Same with the outrage over SPN. ( Cut for spoilers from 'Bedtime Stories' )

***

I've really gotten hooked on Stargate: Atlantis recently. The fanfic is awesome. I've resisted for a while, because I don't like Stargate SG-1 very much, and figured SGA would be more of the same. I was very pleasently suprised to find that wasn't so, and I just adore all the characters on SGA. I'm especially fond of McKay.

If you're interested, I've got a few recs here.

I am stunned by how truly terrible I am at Chemistry.

I've never had a class where it, like, doesn't even matter how much I study or how many hours I spend on my homework, I still SUCK. It's depressing.

My history classes are super easy, which is a relief. My Spanish class is more difficult than it should be because I really don't have the time to devote to it that I need to.

I guess I'm just going to have to resign myself to 'C' in chem and deal with it.

I realized I haven't posted in over a week. My bad.

I'm not dead or anything; I just really, really suck at chemistry.

I hate chemistry.

I hate chemistry so much that I cannot express it conventionally. My hate is almost beyond words. Almost. I have, however, found a medium that I think perfectly conveys my hatred: emo poetry. And so, I share with you...

chemistry (i h8 u)

night
all oppressive darkness
my soul bleeds
i should be
lost in dreams
better than reality
yet

u keep me awake

hate
memorize endless facts
useless when I can
just fucking
LOOK IT UP
some other time
(my teacher is Satan)
pain

i cry tears of blood

wish
no more class
but i must
persist with what
i hate
required, want to graduate
maybe

i could quit and become a car salesman

School is awesome!

I <3 my Chemistry teacher. I think I might *gasp* actually learn stuff this year! :) I already have a study group set up, and even though one of the girls spent literally 15 minutes (literally, mizzmarvel, I was so watching the clock!) criticizing my new hair color (which, geez, I was hoping that kind of bitchery would be over after high school), I think it's going to be great.

I'm kind of in love with my women's history teacher.

The homework load may possibly kill me, especially with the extra work I'm starting to do with my aunt, but all in all, I'm very happy and optimistic about this semester.

(I sill have almost all of my Hot Button Kink fic to write, and it's due 8/31. I have it all outlined, and I pretty much know exactly how it's going to go, but it hasn't gotten from my brain to the computer, yet, because I suck a lot. BUT I SHALL PREVAIL.)

Apropos of nothing, I've eaten nothing but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the past few days. I'm sure this is probably not healthy, but honestly, the thought of eating anything else makes me sick to my stomach, and I'm not all that keen about the sandwiches. This too shall pass, I'm sure, but it's still kind of funny.

I registered for classes and bought all my books today. I'm taking 17 units, 5 classes. My schedule is perfect (for me)...I only have classes Tuesday, Thursday, and one class on Friday. My days are FULL (Tues I'm in class from 8am - 10pm) but I really need the days in between to study and rest up.

My classes:

Spanish 2
Intro to Chemistry (Repeat of a class I failed this summer. I SUCK at chem.)
Ecology
History of Women in the US
Race and Gender in the US

I need history classes and a humanities class to finish up my Gen Ed stuff, so I'm knocking out as much as possible.

Looking at my transcripts, I think it's kind of funny that I'm such an A-F student. With the exception of Bio (I got a 'B') and an English class somewhere, I've either got As or Fs. Part of that is health stuff, part of it is personality. I talked with my therapist, and my academic goal for the year is: even if it isn't perfect, even if it isn't complete, still turn in the work for partial credit. Which makes logical sense, but it causes me physical pain to turn in something I'm not proud of...I'd rather take a '0'. So I've got to get over that! Something to work on. :)

So...

I'm kind of really into Mac/PC fanfic write now. ::blush:: But if anyone else shares my sickness, have some Mac/PC fanfic recs. At least they aren't brothers?

Started the second summer session today (finished the first up last Thursday). My teachers seem like they'll be fine (though my history prof speaks SO SOFTLY. I was in the first row and I could barely hear him) and I'm really not looking to 6 weeks of near-constant school, but I need these classes, so I'll deal. :)

Am trying to decide between taking a history class, an English class, and a sewing class. I kinda need the English class, the history class would be useful, and there's no reason to take the sewing class except I want to sew my own clothes. If I was a good girl, I'd take the English class, but...I'm not always a good girl. I have a week to decide, though.

Wah, my mom's was gone for three days last week, will be gone for three days this week, and will be gone all next week. I MISS HER.

I just finished my last final.

I'm so irritated with my professor. First, she gives us a study sheet, which is nice. Yay, I don't have to aimlessly study every bit of information that she gave over the semester! I made flashcards for every item on the study sheet. I spent the last week making sure I was thoroughly familiar with all the material, and I was so incredibly confident when I went in to take the test.

A good third of the information wasn't on the study sheet. What. C'mon, what's the purpose of telling the class what to study, and then pulling test questions from somewhere else? It would have been a lot better to just not have a study sheet at all, because then I would have at least attempted to study all the info from the semester, instead of what she told us to. Grrr.

Plus, her babysitter canceled and she brought her toddler-aged children to class with her. Her two-year-old fussed almost the entire time. I understand about how hard it is to juggle kids and a career, but come on. We should at least get a few extra-credit points tacked onto our test score, because it was super hard to concentrate.

I know, I know, bitch bitch bitch. ::eyeroll::

But I'm done with school! For a week! First summer session starts a week from today, joy.

PS: I turned 21 yesterday. My parents took me out to TGIF, which is my favorite restaurant(they have fried macaroni and cheese! awesome!). I really wanted to get a drink, as I've been a good girl and never had any alcohol in my life, but I ended up needing to take pain pills earlier in the day, and figured I'd save my first drink for another time. Ah well. It was an awesome evening, though! I love spending time with my family. :)

Just got kicked out of my Spanish class. First time I've ever been kicked out of a class before.

I have my phone on vibrate because my aunt stopped taking her medication (anti-psychotics and anti-depressants) and flushed them all down the toilet, which means she is headed very quickly for a complete breakdown. Sure enough, partway through class I got a call, and slipped out quietly. I talked to her for about 15 minutes, then came back into class.

My professor was Not Pleased. She asked why I left--which I thought was pretty damn distracting to the rest of the class, much more so than my quick exit--so I told her that my aunt was off her medication and thought my mom was trying to strangle her. She asked if I left class to take a phone call, I said, yeah, technically, and she said that if I had that little respect for her class I could just leave. So I did.

*sigh*

In Spanish class yesterday, we had to write a personal ad in order to practice our adjectives and possessive pronouns. So, unthinkingly, I did. Then I realized our professor wanted us to read them aloud. And so I had a mini crisis, because it was fairly obvious that my personal ad was addressed to a girl.

As various students around the class were reading theirs out loud, I was thinking...

Please please please don't call on me wait what am i worried about it's not like it matters but i really don't want to tell everyone i'm gay like that oh my god i'm such an idiot why am i acting ashamed of it well it's personal but i bet none of the straight kids are having a panic attack over this i am such a bad lesbian maybe i can change all the genders when i read it out loud why would i do that i'm very happy with my orientation please please please please don't let her call on me.

And, amazingly, she didn't call on me. So, crisis averted.

*headdesk*

(For the interested, my pretend personal ad read: "Me llamo Erin. Soy de California. Soy intellegente y simpatica. Me gusta cantar y leer. Busco un chica similar. Mi novia ideal es inteligente, simpatica, y intrestante." Don't judge to harshly, I've only been in this class for a month. Out of the, like, five verbs and adjectives I know, I cobbled this together.)

I'm in a weird place musically right now. I picked up the 4 Non Blondes CD for a dollar at a garage sale, and have been listening to it pretty much nonstop since. I <3 Linda Perry, I'd forgotten how much. When I'm not listening to that, I've been listening to a lot of Smash Mouth, CCR, and the Wicked soundtrack. *eyeroll* Confused music for a confused girl, I guess.

***

My therapist said there are five stages of grief, and I like his better than the ones I learned in school. 1) Numbness, 2) Anger/resentment, 3) Bargaining/guilt, 4) More anger/resentment, and finally 5) Acceptance. He said it'll probably take a couple months before I get to number five. I'm kind of bouncing between one and three right now.

***

I registered for classes today. It seems unreal. I can't believe my life has changed so much in such a short amount of time. I'm only taking 14 units -- Comparative Religions, Critical Thinking, Biology, and Spanish -- but I want to jump back in slowly. I only took Tuesday/Thursday classes, so I can work the rest of the week (that is, if I get a job), which means I get to school at 9am and don't leave until 10pm. Dad wants me to get mace certified and carry a can to and from the bus stop, but I don't know if I'm comfortable with that.

School is going well. My Spanish professor and my History professor are both cool, and class is really fun and interesting. My sociology prof, on the other hand, is an asshole. Also, his class is boring as hell, which sucks because I find sociology fascinating. It's sad when the textbook is more interesting than the teacher. I have a gorgeous commute, though, and even though it's 2 hours long, it's a pretty two hours. I'm thinking of bringing a camera along sometime and posting pictures.

My grandma is doing okay. She has a doctor's appointment tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes. She's been kind of angry with me recently--I think she's just chaffing under the knowledge that she needs help.

I've fallen head first into Terry Pratchett. I don't know how I've lived this long without him. I've also been reading a lot of feminist texts (yay for a big school library) and an essay is formulating. I'll probably post on it in a few days.

PS: Readers of christianitysex will understand when I say that raven55 makes me drop to my knees and thank God for making me a lesbian. :)

Well, I've been living with Grandma for over two weeks now. In some ways, it's been an easier transition than I thought, and in others, it's been very difficult. I had known that Grandma was failing both mentally and physically (which is why I moved in) but I had no idea it was so severe. I wish we had the money for professional care because I know I'm not at all qualified to deal with the multitude of issues she has, but we don't.

( About Grandma. Cut for length and some age-related grossness. )

So that's what's going on in my life, and why I haven't been to a computer in a week. I am still writing (Ax/Tobias epic and a sequel to the Richard/Logan story I wrote awhile back) but I have no idea when anything is going to be finished.

School is about ready to start, and I'm thrilled. I'm just taking basic gen-ed classes, but I think it will be fun. I'm only taking 12 units, but I'm working more than full-time at Grandma's so I'm sure that's good for right now. It's still full-time so I can keep my medical insurance, but I don't think I could maintain anymore than 12. I am taking:

Intro to Sociology
Marriage, Sex and Family
History of Western Civilization
Spanish I

Very basic classes, but I can't wait. I also got all my textbooks for less than $100 on Amazon, which made me a VERY happy girl.

Tomorrow I (hopefully) will complete my registration. I was dreading the prospect of waiting in really long lines until I heard the news: tomorrow is a Spare the Air day! So while I still have to wait in long lines, I can afford to take the ferry into the city, which is so much fun! (Yes, I am 12.)

I might be getting a temp job. A friend-of-a-friend needs someone to take care of her aged grandma for a couple weeks. I'm not too fond of caretaking, but it's only temporary, and it pays well. We'll see how it goes; my interview is tomorrow.

I just found out that my last semester (cost= $15,000 and rising) was basically useless. NONE of the classes transfer, at least not for the credits I hoped they would. SO DEPRESSED OMG.

However, I think I'm almost finished registering for classes at City College of San Francisco. It's a little weird going back to a community college, but I should be able to transfer to San Francisco State University fairly easily in a year or so.

Best part of the whole deal? I'm majoring in Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Studies. It's just while I'm at the community college...after transferring, I'll be a Social Work major, but it's fun for right now. :)