I didn't even notice until I checked out Slacktivist. Wow.

Both my parents were Jesus People in the 70's (so on the tail end of the movement), my mother much more so than my father. But both of them loved the music, and I grew up with the sounds of Larry Norman, Second Chapter of Acts (my favorite), Children of the Day (another favorite...also, the lead singer is an out lesbian, so yay), Randy Stonehill, Keith Green, and bunches of others. The Jesus Movement was such a beautiful time in Christian history, and it's unfortunate that, like their secular hippie counterparts, the conservative 80's killed it dead. :(

I might not have agreed with everything Larry sang (and definitely not with everything he said), but no one can deny that the man loved Jesus, made some amazing music, inspired a whole movement, and paved the way for the spectacular Jesus Music of the 60's and 70's.

OK, OK, so we could possibly blame him for the rise of Christian Contemporary Music, as well (blech), but then, he largely shared my views about CCM (terrible lyrics, too commercial), so I forgive him.

And for those of you who have no clue who or what I'm talking about, I give you one of my favorite Larry Norman videos:

For my non-Christian friends:

If I say, "I'm praying for you," in response to a post or comment you've made about something difficult in your life, how does that make you feel? Is it offensive? Annoying? Or do you appreciate it, even if you don't share my beliefs?

For my Christian friends:

How do you feel when people tell you that they're praying for you? My cousin told me that he thinks it's a cop-out, a filler when people don't know what to say, which I STRONGLY disagree with. Do you take it as a general expression of goodwill, or do you believe that the prayer will make a difference?


My first instinct in response to a hurting person is to pray for them, especially when praying is all that I can do. I like hearing that people are praying for me...it gives me a sense of peace, at the very least. And I will always pray for a person who I see going through a hard time. It's just what I do. But do people want to know about it, or should that stay private?

I've been attending a new church for the past couple weeks...New Hope MCC. It's a really great place. As most of you know, I've been looking for a more gay-accepting church, and New Hope certainly is an inclusive place! Everyone I've met there is really nice. It's a very warm, welcoming environment.

On the flipside, it's a very small congregation, and they don't have a lot of activities. Church stuff is pretty limited...Sunday morning service and that's it. They have other fellowship activites, but no other opportunities for bible study or Sunday School. And after having attended really small churches for the last sevenish years, I was kind of hoping to get back in a church where there was more than and hour once a week.

So...pros: inclusive environment, great people (I love the pastor), inspired preaching, I agree with their core beliefs (a good thing!), opportunity for service.

Cons: Small. Don't feel like my spiritual needs are being met (I really really miss bible study and Sunday School).

I'm trying to decide whether to stay here for awhile longer or start "shopping around". There is a an inclusive Methodist church (which would be cool) in the area, and a couple UCC's, but looking at the website for the UCC, the average age seems to be around 50, and I'd like to find someplace with people my own age.

Well, I'll pray about it. There's a lot of sadness mixed in with my search...I feel like I'm cutting ties with my childhood, almost. My Mom doesn't understand why I won't hang at church activities (her church) and I can't explain that it just hurts. Mom also feels uncomfortable trying to explain why I'm searching for a new place to worship, and she is pushing me to tell people myself. Tell them what? Should I just show up to bible study one night and go, "Hey guys, I'm gay!" What would that accomplish? (Also, the thought of that makes me want to throw up.) Maybe I'm a coward.

GAH. Sorry for being so emo.

You ever have a conversation with someone, only to realize partway through that you're so ideologically opposed to the other person's point of view that you can barely understand him, nevermind try to come to some sort of common ground?

This morning at church, I started talking to a man that I respect(ed) about the war in Iraq. He made the very cliche argument, "We're fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them over here," to which I responded, "I really hate that argument, because even if it's true, it sounds like you think innocent Iraqi kids should suffer so we don't have to."

He looked at me with a kinda shocked expression, and I looked back at him, and I said, "Uh...you don't think American lives are worth more than Iraqi lives, do you?"

At which point he began to talk a lot (and loudly) about a bunch of stuff, but it all boiled down to, "If you don't love this country you should leave." So I quickly ended the discussion, because what the fuck. I mean, where do go from there? He thinks that American lives are worth more than people from other countries, and it's okay if a bunch of Iraqis die, as long as it might make Americans safer.

Bleagh. And even more stomach-turning, he's a leader in the church. Way to live Christ's teachings there, dude.

I really need to find another church to attend.

It's not that I don't like the church I'm going to now. I do. I love the people; it's a small congregation, and it feels like we're all family. And I know I might be biased, but I think my mom is a great pastor, and I almost always learn something or just find another way of looking at the passage after her sermons. There's a lot of opportunity for service...I lead worship (which, again, I adore doing), work with the children and teens, visit people in the hospital. It's a wonderful community.

But I'm giving serious thought to taking that last step outside of the closet. I've put it off since the age of fourteen. I've never had a serious relationship, never had sex, and it seemed pointless to rock the boat when I'm not a "practicing" lesbian. I figured I'd come out once I met someone special. But my grandfather died without ever knowing who I really am; he died believing a lie about me. And I don't care if it's an implicit lie, I still feel like I am deceiving people, and it makes my skin crawl. I'm tired of acting like being gay is something I should be ashamed of, or something I should protect people around me from. I'm just...tired.

Which brings me back to church. Being a part of a church community, not just attending Sunday morning but being an active part of the body, is really important to me. And once I come out, I'll no longer be allowed to participate in the activities I do at my church. I certainly won't be able to lead a bible study or sunday school class. It's an awful position to put my mom in...she loves me, believes in me, thinks I'm a good Christian and a good leader, but she has to follow the rules of her denomination, and one of those rules forbids gay folks from being in positions of leadership. She doesn't want to have me step down--heck, she needs me--but I'm not going to force her to chose between her church and me. That's just not fair. It sucks, but it's the way it is.

Right now, I feel so super dishonest. If I started a relationship with somone tomorrow, nothing would change. My views would be the same, my gifts, my qualifications. I'd be the exact same person. Christ makes it very clear that a sin in the mind is still a sin, so if being with a woman is a sin, than longing to be with a woman is also a sin. It shouldn't make a difference if I'm a "practicing" lesbian or not (and man, I hate that term). And I just can't stand living in a loophole like this.

I want to find a church I can become a part of, but it's hard. I love my church, I love my mom (and this whole situation really hurts her), I even love my denomination, flawed as it is.

Gah. Sorry for rambling. I know this probably wasn't very coherent, but I needed to get it out.

A friend-of-a-friend forwarded me an email that contained a story I've heard a billion times before. In fact, most people who've grown up in the conservative Christian culture have probably heard it. I deleted the email, but I can't help thinking about it.

Here's the story (at least one version of it):( Cut for length...also, possible sexual assault triggers. )

( The analysis. )

(WARNING: This is one of those super-religious posts I make every once in awhile, because, honestly, that's just who I am.)

Tonight was the Family Research Council's Liberty Sunday, a night devoted to fighting gay anti-discrimination laws. I've been really, really angry about this for a long time. An entire night devoted to talking about how I shouldn't have basic human rights? Yeah, I'm going to take offense to that.

Accordingly, my prayers have been, well, less then stellar, along the lines of: "God, could you please smite these assholes?" And then I'd feel guilty for not acting as Jesus would, but sooner or later, the anger would come back, and I'd wish the Bubonic Plague on the entire group. And I'm devoted to non-violence! So I've been praying that God would help me with these feelings of bitterness and anger, and that She would help me love them.

And then it hit me: love was the answer. Praying that the people involved with Liberty Sunday would be filled with God’s love for all Her children is a lot more constructive then praying that lightning strikes the building and they all die in an agonizing, fiery death. (Okay, so some of the bitterness is still there. I’m a work in progress.) ( So, if you don’t mind, I’d like to share with you the prayer that I have been praying when I start to become discouraged and angry. )

( And, in conclusion, a portion of scripture that cannot be read too often: )

I've come to the conclusion that people should just stop using the term "post-Christian" until there's some consensus on what the hell it actually means. But then, "postmodern" gets the same treatment, and it's been around far longer.

On a slightly different note, I wish people would realize that there is a significant difference between the terms evangelical and fundamentalist. It's especially disheartening when evangelicals confuse the terms. They are not interchangeable. I'm loosely evangelical (though I've stopped self-identifying that way), but I am in no way fundamentalist.

And finally, the rapture is not a traditional, biblical Christian belief. Many Christians regard dispensationalism and all that comes with it as a heresy.

All the 6-6-6 coverage is driving me crazy. Yes, I'm several days behind in talking about this, but my life has been a little hectic. :)

You ever have one of those "Ah-HAH!" moments during a discussion about something completely unrelated? Happened to me two seconds ago in christianitysex. Now I've grown up in the church, I've read the bible, I've even done studies in Genesis, and I don't think the sexism of Genesis chapter 2 hit me until just now.

Thank you, hisprophet. You've opened my eyes. Yet another reason to believe the creation story is entirely metaphorical.

I am so glad this weekend is over.

I directed the kid's Christmas musical at our church, like I do every year. And I held a sleepover rehearsal, like I do every year. Except this year, my two parent volunteers pussied out on me, and left me with all the kids by myself from 6pm to 10am. And then left me with all the cleanup. I was not a happy girl. But the play was this morning and they did wonderfully.

So I was exhausted, and I was planning on going to see Brokeback Mountain to relax. Unfortunately, Mom volunteered my services as baby-sitter so she could have a board meeting and counseling session, and I ended up with 8 kids. So I walked them down the the mall and we watched King Kong instead, because trying to entertain 8 kids in my tiny house is hell on earth. Which sucked like a sucking thing. I know, everyone says it's the bestest movie ever, but I couldn't stand it. It was way too long, for one thing. The pacing was bad, and some of the scenes just looked like Peter Jackson cut-and-pasted a few of the LotR battles and replaced the Orcs with raptors.

I am a tired girl, but I'm wired and I can't sleep. Sigh.

( In response to the recent Christian bashing on my flist: )

I'm very active in the Nazarene Church, somewhat because my mother is a pastor in the church, and partly because I agree which much of their theology, though not their social policy (especially regarding homosexuality). I'll most likely be attending a Nazarene university (Point Loma) in the fall. Out of curiosity, I checked out this paper on the attitudes and beliefs of students enrolled in Nazarene universities.

I was surprised to see that incomming freshman were notably more conservative than seniors. So even after attending the school for four (or more) years, the seniors were able to think for themselves, going against what the prevailing attitude of the church. For example, the percentage of those who agreed with:

abolishing the death penalty -- Freshman, 18.9%, Seniors, 23.0%
prohibit homosexual relationships -- Freshman, 65.3%, Seniors, 40.4%
married women best at home -- Freshman, 31.9%, Seniors, 17.8%
abortion should be legal -- Freshman, 28.7%, Seniors, 36.8%

I think I feel better about going there, now. I've always been slightly afraid that the moment I arrive, the brainwashing will begin.

Yeah, so this probably wasn't interesting to anyone but me. :)

"Why do you use swear words? I thought you were a Christian!"

If the Apostle Paul can use foul language and make penis jokes, so can I. :p